Different people like completely different expressions of attention and love. Everybody has their understanding of how they want to be treated. It is a kind of native language, which does not always coincide with the companion understanding.
For others, the true manifestation of love is constant care and help; for others, signs of attention in the form of surprises, gifts, and flowers. All this seems unnecessary if the partner is never close.
It is useless to declare love to someone in one type of language if your companion doesn’t understand.
You must speak the identical love language with your companion to be heard and understood.
But what if you really wish to be given flowers and gifts, to tell compliments, and your companion doesn’t understand this? Is it possible to study your companion’s understanding?
5 types of love
In Gary Chapman’s book “5 types of love“, he separates the concepts of falling in love and love. Falling in love is a temporary emotional outburst that unexpectedly comes into life and also unexpectedly leaves it. Love is a choice, an act of will that requires discipline and recognizes the need for growth. You are trying for the other person, and if you succeed, you are glad that you really love.
Conscious selection is contrasted with the euphoria of falling in love. You can love each other even after the feelings are gone. The question is to create the right choice in favor of love and respect for your companion’s interests. In this case, the main thing is to speak with your mate in the correct categories of love language.
The author identifies 5 types of love language: words of encouragement, time, gifts, help, and touch.
Words of encouragement are one of the five main types of love language. There are those for whom it is essential to be appreciated and praised on time. When such people are admired, they are grateful and ready for feats and any requests. For example, to instill confidence in your mate, you just need to praise him once.
Praise and support your mate feel essential.
Rewards bring you closer, heal wounds, and enable both of you to achieve something in life. The right words give you determination and set you up for victory.
It is essential to admire not only impressive results but also to believe in your beloved’s capabilities. Talk about the strengths, not the weaknesses. Then the mountains will be moved for you.
Time and love
The main thing is to spend time with each other for someone who speaks the time’s language. Together means paying advertence to each other, not just being close. You should fully take note of your mate, talk, focusing on the interlocutor, and not create the illusion of being together.
Often people misunderstand the needs of their partner who speaks this type of love language. You shouldn’t rush to find solutions to his problems if the language of your mate is time. You need to show that you understand how hard and offensive your companion is because he wants to understand. It is necessary to listen, empathize, and understand the thoughts, feelings, and desires of another.
Sometimes learning to listen is almost as difficult as learning a foreign language. But to understand your partner, you have to do it. Try to sympathize rather than advise. Try to understand, not suggest a solution. Ask more questions and try to focus on the person instead of the problem.
Presents as a manifestation of love
Loving and giving are the same for many. So, for some, the visible symbols of love are in gifts. Signs have emotional value. At the same time, the price of gifts is not important, because the main attention is. You were looking for a gift; therefore, you thought about the person and spent your time on it.
A person who speaks the language of gifts does not care about their price. Moreover, the language of gifts is the simplest. You can buy some little thing or make something with your own hands. Even your presence can be a gift. If you understand that you need this kind of attention, say it out loud. Perhaps your partner just doesn’t know that it matters to you at all.
Help is the best support in a relationship
If it seems to you that your companion is not helping, and you are tired of making everything yourself, then your type of love language is help. For this type of people, helping them does something for another. Help can range from getting to the bottom of the car, picking up from work, cleaning the apartment, or taking the dog for a walk. When you help your partner, you try to please him by showing your love. After all, help takes time.
If it really matters to you, your mate can help you with something that is causing you difficulties, and he does not understand it, ask. You only must ask for help, not order. Besides, don’t be offended if you are not helped by default. Perhaps your companion has a different understanding of the world.
The only method to sense love is through touch for some people. It is very important for such people to hold hands; they need to be continuously hugged, kissed, touched. Tactile receptors for such people are crucial. But be careful, not everything you like may please your partner, so it is better to ask him what he wants.
It is essential for such people to feel the physical closeness of a person. If your mate is from this group, you must do the main thing in difficult times is to be there. A person will find more comfort in your arms than in any words of support.
How do you know which of the 5 types of love languages you speak?
When do you feel loved? What do you miss most in a relationship? What hurts and hurts you the most? If criticism and condemnation of your beloved hurt the most, then your language is words of encouragement. If you are saddened by the lack of flowers at home and rare surprises, your language gifts. If it hurts that your mate is always at work, and you spend little time together.
Think about how you express love, what you do in a relationship. You probably would like to receive the same answer in return.
And do not be offended by your mate’s criticism. Try to perceive it correctly. It helps determine the language of the mate; this is his way of asking for love.
Sometimes it is essential to see the world through the eyes of another person. All people have different needs, and that’s okay. Sometimes, it is enough to understand what is essential for your partner and not just for you to save a relationship. Then it will be possible to support him as he needs. Give your partner what he needs, not you. If you manage to define your type of love language correctly, then you will better understand your needs and, therefore, will be able to explain them to your partner. It will help strengthen your relationship and understand each other better.