Why does passion pass? How to add spice and brightness to a romantic connection? Is it possible to return the feeling of a novelty after twenty years of family life or a long term relationship? Is there a way to improve the quality of intimate relationships?
Any relationship can be improved and added brightness and emotion. Many couples retain a reverent attitude towards each other even after twenty years of marriage. Let’s take a look at what steps should be taken to revitalize the relationship.
Look at relationships from a different angle
As a rule, the fiery feelings that we experience at the beginning of a relationship sooner or later begin to fade away, and after a few years, they disappear entirely. Why is this happening? In the first months of, the fact is that you still do not know your partner well enough, you are fascinated by an individual, independent person who may have his/her own secrets and mysteries, while we are trying to discover his/her world.
Then you two become closer and closer. Newness, excitement, and anticipation are replaced by stability. People tend to stop being curious about each other and learn more once you know everything about your partner. And this could be a “slippery road,” which may cause some cracks in the relationship.
Reliability, trust, and closeness are excellent, but without some uncertainty, you get bored. That is why you need to change something in your perception and look at the long-term relationship differently.
How about bringing experimentation, play, and flirting into your life together. Let’s not implement a “cookie-cutter” with your partner. Continue to learn and consider him/her as an attractive stranger.
It is always great to be confident about who you are and continue with your life goals, hobbies, but you better invite your ideal partner to join your activities. Doing things together it’s the perfect way to feed your interest. to each other.
People often complain that romance and passion leave the relationship with a child’s birth because young parents begin to spend all their free time with the baby, not on each other.
Parental instincts are the greatest things, but there is no need to spend all your energy just to satisfy every child’s whim. You can easily organize your schedule, finding at least a few hours every week that you can devote only to your partner, which will positively affect your long-term relationship.
Understand your partner’s interests and desires
Sex and love are entirely different things and should not be confused.
People can misunderstand each other’s expectations, especially if they are not clear about what LOVE is. It’s critical to understand personal intimacy and each other’s desires, especially if you have a long term relationship. Be curious and show your genuine interest in your partner’s preferences and deal breakers.
Learn to manage stress to maintain a long term relationship
Daily routine in your professional life, household, and kids’ activity can easily take priority over the closeness with your partner. Stress can seriously overload your mental capability and destroy your intimate life. Stress is directly related to the struggle to survive. Closeness has many benefits, but it certainly does not directly contribute to personal survival. Therefore, for most of us in a state of stress, all the brakes work at once.
Learn to manage stress to reduce the impact of stress on your ability to have pleasure and generally your interest in intimate life in a long-term relationship (LTR) so that сloseness becomes more enjoyable, easier, and playful.
If the stress is due to work, then you need to go for a run, dance, walk, or work out on the machine. Physical activity is the most effective way to complete the stress response cycle. It helps bring the central nervous system into balance.
Become self-sufficient in a long term relationship
Sooner or later, “butterflies” will disappear in most long term relationships. The good news is that if you want to regenerate your feelings’ freshness, you can change this situation and achieve harmony.
The most pernicious thing in a loving relationship is when only one person’s interests are gratified or when the most favorite hobby is ignored. Whenever possible, try to join or at least be a good company while your partner does something different for his/her own interest.
For example, your partner is an avid downhill skier, and you fear height. Thus, instead of refusing to go skiing, you can arrange or offer a ski trip (even for one day) with a nice spa and dinner at the end of the day for the two of you.
Another example is that your passion is dancing, and your partner is absolutely awkward with any movement. You can invite him to watch your final dancing competition and even ask his opinion about your dancing costume, music rhythm if he gets your dancing expressions, etc. Slowly, he can become your best critique and maybe start to visit some dance classes together.
And definitely develop your favorite personal hobbies as it will show your strengths and skills. We all prefer to live with strong personalities. And it’s so natural to build a strong long-term relationship with a strong, confident person.
Love your body
The tendency to dislike and criticize one’s own body is an inherent phenomenon, and most do not even understand how harmful it is and how widespread it is at the same time.
There are strong connections between attitudes towards one’s own body and various manifestations of intimate life. The attitude to one’s own body determines both arousal and desire, and the frequency of having closeness, and the assessment of oneself as a partner.
A person will not be delighted with his life if he does not feel complete and unconditional satisfaction with his body. You need to learn to love your body in order to build harmony in a long-term relationship.
Stop scolding yourself and find what your body will appreciate.
Learn to stop self-criticism and negative judgmental thoughts and focus on thoughts that express empathy for yourself. It will gradually become easier for you to appreciate and love your body as it deserves to treat it with respect and love.
We continuously criticize ourselves, but self-criticism is closely related to depression. Does depression contribute to the harmony in a long term relationship and improve the sexual side of your life? No, it doesn’t.
You need to learn to show yourself empathy and understanding in any situation: both when you are successful and when something fails. You need to drown out the voice of the inner critic and stop evaluating yourself.
Try the following exercise to help increase your self-compassion:
- Describe in writing the situation for which you criticize and punish yourself. Any example can be used, from sexual or romantic relationships to events at work. Be sure to write down any harsh critical thoughts that are spinning in your head and haunt you.
- At the top of the sheet, write your close friend’s name and pretend that he is sharing with you the problem you just described. Imagine that he asks you for help and writes down what you tell him. Try to show maximum sympathy and support, and stay calm.
- Now read all the tips. They are, of course, not for a friend, but you.
Never tell yourself what you wouldn’t tell your best friend.
Develop your long term relationship
Anything that speeds up your heart rate will help bring new emotions and sensations into a long term relationship. Try to do something that speeds up your heart rate. Ride on the bikes, go on long walks in the wilderness, watch your favorite genre in movies that could be romantic as well as a thriller, see if you can watch online concerts, or discuss science for hours with your colleagues/friends. Do whatever is exciting for you, anything that literally makes your heart beat faster.
Look for new experiences and opportunities to overcome significant obstacles together to strengthen your connection and deepen your contact with your partner.. You can share your fantasy with your partner and be playful and romantic.. Turn on the lights, not to put on a show, but to open your eyes and look each other in the face. Take a chance and immerse yourself in trust. Set an important goal for your relationship, to achieve which you will have to put in efforts as a couple.