You can look at your relationship from the outside to set up proper goals. Do you feel you are in a healthy relationship? Maybe you feel a frequent exposure to emotional abuse? Or it could be a lack of interest in your personal expectations and your life partner starts to spend more time on his/her own. It can be demonstrated through your vacation, weekends, and holidays, but also, you can start feeling less sexual attraction towards your partner and vice versa. You can ask yourself, is it temporary “coolness”? How can we improve our relationship, and if we need to change something in our behavior?
Let’s take a look at the goals and signs of a healthy relationship.
Goal # 1: Trust
It is not only about the absence of secrets from each other, but also about confidence in decision-making. If both partners are clear on the interests of the couple or family first, there is no doubt that whatever decision each one makes will be beneficial to everyone. If a person in a healthy relationship is offered a job in a remote location, he will not answer without discussing the situation with a partner. Both partners should understand the goal of relocation and job perspectives. But if there are kids’ interests involved, the family goal could be different, depending on the family priorities. But if a decision is made with only one person’s interest, then it seems there could be problems with trust.
Basic trust in terms of credit cards or passwords to computers is also essential. There are many tools these days and platforms that will help you to keep your privacy. You can still ask your partner to get something out of your bag or wallet and not hide the phone in fear that he will see a message on the screen in an atmosphere of trust.
Mismatching interests is not a problem
You don’t have to be together around the clock and dissolve in each other to be a good couple. It’s great when there are common interests, but you could have your personal space for your own interests as well. Of course, you can try to captivate your partner with what is interesting to you, or, conversely, try to engage in his favorite activities to spend more time together.
However, it’s excellent if you like different music, different TV shows, and when traveling, you prefer to wallow on the beach while your partner goes to museums or shops, or vice versa. It is much more essential to coincide in views on fundamental issues. A healthy relationship should not aim for a perfect match of tastes and hobbies – that wouldn’t be your goal.
Goal # 2: Communication
This point complements the previous one: different interests can mean, for example, another social circle. If you are constantly doing things and spending your time without your partner, should you be concerned about it? But in a healthy relationship, jealousy or suspicion does not arise if someone occasionally spends the evening with their friends, goes on a trip, or is often on business trips. It’s one thing to miss each other and want to see each other, and it’s quite another to be tormented by suspicions that your partner is cheating on you while traveling.
Trust and timely communication are the two most critical goals of a healthy relationship. The disconnected phone can be explained by a dead battery and the fact that a person does not answer messages, his passionate conversation with friends. It is worth agreeing that you warn each other about delays or changes in plans and do not disappear silently, as it may create unnecessary worry.
You agree on essential issues in a healthy relationship
Many couples can be reluctant to discuss their budget, children, religious or ethical values since each side could be sensitive or unagreeable. Still, that is important to be clear, especially in the initial stage of a relationship. After all, the longer you are in a relationship, the more chance you will bump into these issues. If one person in a couple plans to have children and he/she is convinced that the partner wants the same, but it was never discussed before. Then a problem will arise when it turns out that the partner is tuned to the childfree format.
The main goal should be to discuss fundamental issues at the beginning of the relationship. The answers to them will help you understand how to perceive these relationships and whether it is worth getting involved in them. It may sound cynical, but in a marriage where things of principle are viewed differently, there is a high probability that someone will be unhappy.
Resolve conflicts through discussion
Again, communication is essential for a healthy relationship. A conflict can arise both for serious reasons and because of the irritation accumulated over trifles. A healthy relationship is not necessarily conflict-free. The problems that have arisen must be discussed, and the conclusions drawn help the situation not repeat itself. This should be your goal for a healthy relationship.
If everyone realizes the value of relationships and wants to continue and develop them, conflicts will be perceived as moments for reflection, discussion, and lessons learned. You should not accumulate grievances to once recall them to each other, directly explain what does not suit you, and decide how you can improve the situation.
Sex should always be done with consent
Healthy relationships have no place for physical, emotional, financial, or sexual violence. Realizing that a relationship is abusive is not always easy. However, if sex is happening against your will every once in a while, it is worth considering that you are being abused and seeking help.
However, a woman does not always suffer from violence, although this happens more often. A healthy attitude towards sex in a couple is the realization that both do not ever want each other at the same time and the willingness to accept rejection calmly. If it seems to you that your partner’s interest in sex has decreased, it is better to discuss the situation calmly, but the pressure on him/her, in this case, will be a manifestation of violence.
Goal # 3: Laugh together
Your goal in a healthy relationship should be to express your emotions openly. Communication with each other should cause joy, and the partner’s ideas should cause enthusiasm. You are pleased to see each other, and the conversation often brings pleasant feelings; this is a good sign. Occasional irritation or fatigue and the desire to be alone are also normal situations that d should not poison the relationship.
When you are not attracted to your partner after work, and every step towards home becomes slower, it is time to be concerned about possible problems. If you are frequently afraid to say something wrong and are used to expecting an inappropriate response, you are likely emotionally abused.
Both are responsible for happiness in a couple
Traditionally, there was an expectation that a woman should provide an atmosphere of love and comfort in a relationship that idea ruined many people’s lives. Such beliefs lead to a situation where a man does not make emotional efforts and does not work on a relationship, and a woman feels guilty for not coping. Of course, this can also happen with the opposite gender distribution or in same-sex couples.
The goal should be to understand that the partner is not the source of happiness and well-being in a healthy relationship. Partners need each other to support and help, but everyone is responsible for their happiness, again taking into account the interests of both.
Goal # 4: Don’t try to change your partner
If a person wants to get rid of a habit or acquire a new one and needs help, he will inform you about it. Attempts to change a partner who did not ask for it usually do not lead to a good result, at the same time worsening the relationship.
Again we are talking about respect, trust, and communication. The partner is not the other half but an independent adult who has the right to his/her own interests, desires, and habits. After all, the ability to accept that you will have different opinions on something is also a healthy relationship trait.
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